No Conflict please

 

    Why do some people avoid conflict? There are many reasons that a person might avoid conflict such as: trauma, being a people pleaser, and fear of getting hurt. Having the ability to hurt someone else is also a huge responsibility and a person that avoids conflict would rather not cause harm or grief to another individual. This however, is not something that I directly relate to. I do not enjoy conflict whatsoever, but I do feel that it is important for two individuals to discuss a problem and find a solution. I am very adamant about problem solving. Sometimes problem solving can go through a phase of conflict but as long as there is a resolution I believe it is worth it. When a person suppresses their thoughts and feelings to spare another person it is a sign of insecurity. I am a firm believer that you should always put yourself first. However, there are some instances when avoiding conflict is necessary. For example, conflict at work is never good for the environment.  

https://www.relationaladvantage.com/blog/why-most-people-avoid-conflict-and-why-you-shouldn-t

From this class I will take away many lessons. I learned that communicating effectively with people from other cultures and co-cultures requires us to be aware of how their behaviors and ways of thinking are likely to differ from our own. If you understand other cultures it makes it easier to communicate and comprehend without offending or not understanding the other cultures. Also, I can now differentiate between effective communication and appropriate communications, and how your message may not be both. Most importantly, I learned that the most important part of communication is understanding and LISTENING.

Listening and Power in Relationships

    

Listening is fundamental…or is it? Unfortunately listening does not come naturally, it is something that we

must practice daily. Some people have the art of listening mastered, while others struggle profoundly.

I sometimes struggle with being an active listener, and that is because I would like to solve everyone’s

problems. Which means during a conversation where I should be listening, I may interrupt and offer advice.

Offering advice to someone that wants and needs a good listener is absolutely with worst thing to do.

I have learned that even though I may have a suggestion or a comment, it is not my place to insert my opinion.

Good relationships come from good communication. There can not be good communication when no one is

listening. I am still learning to bite my tongue and listen because that could be just what a person needs.

Sometimes a person just needs to get it out and they will feel better. As an active listener it is important to

allow that space for an individual to release their thoughts and emotions.

https://www.mindtools.com/az4wxv7/active-listening

Now let's discuss power in relationships. When it comes to the work environment power controls the tone of

communication between employee and employer. Personally, I can attest to the fact that my boss has probably

earned a good “going off on.” However, I like my occupation and I also need my check. Therefore, I bite my

tongue and pray that God takes control of the situation. If roles were reversed, I would actively listen to my

employees and their concerns and act accordingly. I believe that it is important when a person holds the power

in a relationship to always consider the other person's point of view. Other than the work environment, there

are situations when power controls communication such as a police officer communicating with a pedestrian.

In this case and in my culture it is not unheard of for an officer to insert his dominance in communicating

because of the obvious level of power. This is why they are feared and often disliked by African Americans.

This is also why I believe that people in power positions should have to take communication classes yearly so

that they are well rounded on different ways to communicate with all cultures.

Slang and Culture

     In African American culture slang is a profound part of our language. Idioms,

jargon, and different gestures to communicate. Personally I use a lot of slang when

talking to family because I know that they can relate to what I am saying. However,

if I am at work or in a professional setting I “clean-up” my speech. That is what

some may call code switching. Code switching refers to the ability to change

communication practices depending on the environment or persons you are

speaking with. I say plenty of phrases that may not be easily understood for those

in other cultures such as “my bad.” This is simply a way to say “oops” or “I

apologize.” Also, when I cook something that is REALLY good, I will say, “I put my

foot in it.” Obviously I do not really mean that I put my actual foot in it, that would

be GROSS! When people outside of my culture use phrases that originated from

people of color, it can either be impressive or offensive. There are a few slang

words or phrase that feel so offensive when repeated by other cultures and that

feeling comes from the many years of oppression African American people have

endured.

Culture and gender greatly affect the way we communicate and comprehend. For

instance, in American culture we are direct with our language and sometimes

informal when talking. In Chinese culture there are more non-verbal communication

cues and also an increase in indirect communication.

Competence and Identity

Effective communication paired with appropriate communication results in communication competence. Effective communication can be determined by how well your message achieves your desired goal. It relies on a person to choose the correct message to meet their communication goal. Appropriate communication results from knowing how to follow communication rules in various settings. The rules may differ based on culture, environmental setting, genders, religion, and many more. A good communicator is able to adjust effective and appropriate communication to reach the goal of communication competence. However, you may reach one without the other. For example, a male doctor is excited to greet his first patient of the day and decides to shake the female patient's hand to introduce himself. The doctor failed to read the chart that requested a female doctor because the patient is Muslim. In Muslim culture women are segregated from the men, and often will request a female doctor. While the male doctor effectively communicated his introduction of who he is, the communication was not appropriate.  How can you be sure you’ve reached competence? The purpose of your communication will be fulfilled adequately without offending anyone or crossing boundaries.

https://youtu.be/U1SXs2vI0nU?si=QYZSN6rkvmevFSwK

How is your identity created?

I was born into a christian family with both my mother and grandfather being pastors. Religion is a part of my identity that I was born into. My religious beliefs shape my identity in many ways such as the attitude I have toward difficult situations and overall compassion towards others. I was also raised with three older brothers and no sisters. That in itself molded me into a strong resilient woman. I was always competing, never wanting to be viewed as weak.Therefore, I worked twice as hard to be stronger than my older brothers. Over the years my identity has changed because I am a dedicated Mother, and that is what I take pride in the most. No longer competing for the strongest spot because I’ve matured, though my environment as a child contributes greatly to my strength as an adult. However, I still work hard because biologically I inherited a good work ethic.